Every year during Thanksgiving, Christmas or other holiday times when family sharing time together, I'm alone. When friends invited to come over to their houses, of course all of them have at least two or three other sibblings, but I'm alone.
Let's go back in time. I was born during Vietnam War in Saigon, Vietnam. When I was three months old my birth mother gave me away. After passed through 7 houses and no one wanted me, finally, one single middle age woman after she saw me smiling at her when she held me in her arm, she decided to keep me.
As the time I was growing up I'm the only child to her, I've hardly seen her during the day because she had to leave the house like 5 o' clock in the morning to go to work to bring food to the table so I can have a good life. And really late at night she came home so she and I do not spent time and I felt like not being loved enough from her.
In 1985, she applied the government for both of us to go to the United States. After the interviewed, we got the final approval to leave Vietnam.
After 12 days in Thailand, we finally, got to America. We set our foot in Brooklyn, New York. One year in NY, we then moved to california and I went to school there till graduated high school. All those years in America, same thing again, my mother and I hardly spent time together like other family because she worked crazy hours so she can provide me with better education and good food to eat.
All the years together, I love my mother very much. Though I still feel missing something. Like a family! All my life I've been asking myself who do I look like, my real mother or father. Do I have any sisters or brothers? How does my real mother or father look like? How are their lives? Why did my real mother give my away? Did she go and look for me? Was my real father in US army or just a civilian who came to Vietnam and worked,then I came along because just that one night stand? or etc.....
No answer. Nobody can help me. Not the agency because there was no adoption agency in Vietnam. There was no names, no pictures, no items of memory. Don't know if in the service, or if both of them are here in America and where they're at in America.
If one day with my luck I'll find out who they are. Will they accept me? Will I ruin their life? So I think it's better off if I leave it alone and be alone for the rest of my life till death.
I call myself THE LONER.
PS: At least I have my two kids, they are my new family now. I got great husband and a loving foster mother who now is 80 years old and still in good health and living us. Who can ask for more?
I also want to thank my adopter mother for raising me up to be a person who I am today and all her hard work so I can have a good life.
Thank you mother.
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